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Stingy Couple Use Plastic Bags Instead of Condoms

Right, so, I feel like the headline of this story speaks for itself. There’s literally no other way to dress this up…just like there shouldn’t be with a man’s Johnson.

Why would you? How could you? What is wrong with you?

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Look, I know that it’s a good idea to budget and be money conscious, but not with this! It’s not even the cheaper option anymore – plastic bags are 5p nowadays! You can get condoms for free at clinics.

Maybe I’d have some sympathy if they were called ‘Bags for PREVENTING Life’, but they’re not, they’re called ‘Bags FOR Life’…the clue is in the name. You don’t want to end up with a dirtbag baby.

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The couple had to go to hospital for injuries obtained whilst using them, obviously. I really just want to see the look on the face of the doctor as they explained what happened.

Right, time to become an educator for 30 seconds…

Sex education lesson 101: Don’t use a biodegradable plastic bag.
1) It doesn’t work
2) It’s bloody weird
3) It’s probably really uncomfortable, for both parties.

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Whilst I admit, I’m not the greatest teacher in the world, I don’t think anything could have be worse than my first sex education lesson:

We were meant to be watching ‘The miracle of childbirth’, but they had to rewind the tape before showing it to us. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen childbirth in reverse…but it’s not great. It’s like they’re trying to push the antichrist back in. Not good times.

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Be safe people.

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