A man has recently appeared in court after snorting 5 lines of cocaine, and then proceeding to have a 40 minute w*nk. Somehow, he managed to keep up the “sex act” for over 40 minutes!
To be honest with you guys, I’m not sure what the objective was. It may have been a marathon, an endurance w*nk, or something else. But then again, there may also be a chance that he’s absolutely sh*t in bed. Whatever the reason, I’m sure he’s proud of his accomplishment.
When at the court, the man pleaded guilty to “outraging public decency”. I actually had no idea what this was- so I went and googled it. Apparently, it is punishable by an unlimited prison sentence and/or fine.
To be fair, I don’t blame him. I mean, who hasn’t snorted 5 lines of coke in their local pub and gone for a 40 minute w*nk in the beer garden? Just me? Oh.
According to court statements, the man’s name was Michael Brian Scott, and was a forklift driver. Thinking about it, there is nothing more British than a forklift driver who is baked out of his mind, pleasuring himself in a pub.
If the Blackburn Beer Garden w*nker is reading this, I respect you.